Thursday, September 5, 2013

Penis found in data from LHC accelerator at CERN when looking for super-symmetry!!!

Our worst fears have been confirmed. The Japanese scientist Sho Iwamoto was analyzing data from our beloved detector experiments at the LHC CERN's accelerator. He was just doing the harmless typical thing of studying the muon g-2 anomaly, trying to discover the super-symmetry theory. As usual in super-symmetry, he found absolutely nothing, so he did not make any astonishing breathtaking discovery. Therefore, sad and defeated, he just proceeded to write down in a plot the exclusion range, so others know where else they should NOT look for super-symmetry. Then, his eyes opened wide, looking at the picture he just had in front of him. He probably should have thought that science was just making fun of him :D

Some time later, he presented his results in the following paper.

After some time, Maikel's friend Joel went to a physics conference, in particular to SUSY 2013 at ICTP, in Trieste (Italy). Him, and all the rest of the important scientists attending, could do nothing but just watch at the sexual pictures shown by this scientist at the conference. Of course, everybody was polite enough to not to stop the conference in hilarious laugh. Joel's whole story was told in his blog so future generations can suffer as well from his experiences.

Well, the truth is that  we could have expected this after having found penis even in Mars...

 Finally, I guess I cannot end this blog post without one of the typical science memes about anthropology...

Friday, June 28, 2013

Suspicious labels and tags found at CERN

Today, Mikaela told Maikel something that he had not notice during all these years at CERN: labels.

In particular, she told him that the trees at CERN carry some mysterious metallic labels.

Maikel could not believe it, so he had to take a walk with her around Restaurant 1. There, in his astonishment, he found what he was looking for. And made some pictures for you. You should notice that such tags are put in the direction opposite to the restaurant, so they are difficult to been spotted unless if you are looking for them...

There is a dark legend behind these labels. Someone high in CERN management told Mikaela that there exists a hidden database where these "trees ID" are stored. For some unknown purpose. Everything here is identified, labeled and classified. Even the trees. And you.

After that discovery, he noticed something more... disturbing. Some of Maikel's gossip contacts sent him the following pictures, made somewhere at CERN as well:

These labels were strategically positioned... at the water dispensers at the same Restaurant 1. They keep waiting for some sleepy PhD who will press them by mistake. Luckily, it seems that nobody have yet pressed them... but... someone will eventually do... and then... WHAHAHAHAHAA!!!

PD: no need to panic, it seems evident that the CERN summer students have a nice sense of humor have just found a label marker. And some anti-matter. And some hatred for this corrupted world that must be destroyed! WHAHAHAHAHA!!

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

One petaelectronvolt of energy!!!!!!!!!!

This was my expression today when reading these news
Links to the news and paper here:

More than 1 petaelectronvolt!!! 1 PeV!!!! If you don't know what are we talking about, there are some energy scales in the wikipedia.

So, the energy of one of these particles detected is the equivalent to a 1 megaton nuclear bomb explosion or also all the electricity consumption of the country of Greenland in one year... All that in only one tiny particle that is almost massless!!!

Of course, if you really checked that page, like my friend Edu, you will notice that I exaggerated "just a little bit" :D That page is in Joules, not eV :) Then, if you multiply per 10^-19 then you get the correct figures. So, we better don't start hypothesizing yet about how we could use these to produce electricity :D Or weapons to conquer the world and all that :P That particle, without almost any mass at all, with a petaelectronvolt of energy had only the energy of around 1000 mosquitoes splashing against your car windshield at a time! I wonder if they would break it...

And remember that our beloved LHC hadron collider at CERN reached so far "only" the energy of 8 TeV!! That is the highest energy ever achieved by mankind when producing particles, and these guys just detected from the sky have around thousand times more! You can think of all that people that was scared about the CERN creating black holes and destroying the world, creating particles of "only" a maximum of few TeV... while we are getting from the sky particles of petaelectronvolts!!!! It's like people scared of the danger for our eyes having too much light if we light a little candle, while they are outside at the sun :D

Ok, it's still much less than the famous Oh-My-God particle (yes, that exists, I did not make up that name!!! :D) which had almost a zettaelectronvolt of energy :D That is about equivalent to a 142 g baseball traveling at about 100 kilometers per hour! (not the world energy consumption, if you also misread the wikipedia table as I did :D ). But it is just a little elementary particle! And scientists don't know yet what created such kind of super-energetic particles, although there are, of course, hypothesis... Science is way cool.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

New safety sign at CERN!!!

 The CMS detector system administrator have made public today this new sign. It has been found at the P5 CMS experiment site. No previous warning or information from CERN safety team was made before. I guess they believed the sign was quite specific :D

The sysadmins are now crossing emails discussing about it and about its implications. One of the real emails being sent around says:

"Have we got icinga checks for the coffee machines ? To check water
pressure, coffee level etc etc..."

So there might be already plans for an important monitoring of the coffee conditions.

This is not really an issue to joke about, as we all know the importance of the coffee supplies at the CERN control rooms. Real eLog entries sent around by the detector shift crew in critical data taking conditions are of the kind of (yes, some were so hilarious that I saved the emails :D)

  • 30 August 2011 12:20 : No sandwiches +Coffee machine down: 
    Situation getting critical.
  • 28 July 2011 23:14 : Owl shift Jul 28-29
  • ps: RFMs: PLEASE make sure there is enough water, coffee,
    cups, and particularly sugar, this is part of your
     responsibility and paramount to shift morale!!!!!
  •  24 July 2011 06:00 : COFFEE CARD left with only 13 coffees
    Please refill it in order to keep a very high efficiency
    of the shift crew
  •  20 July 2011 23:16 : AND THERE IS NO COFFEE CARD
    see subject. Riots/Strike to be expected in near future.
  • 19 November 2010 21:19 :
    HELP! the night is going to be very long....
    our coffee card is gone missing after 20:00 and 
    we are left with a few capsules of "caffe espresso leggero"!
    Please take it back.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

There is no word in elvish, entish, or the tongues of men for what i want to say

That quote from TreeBeard, from Lord of The Ring, is the first thing that came to my mind when I arrived to CERN this week. Along with the images of the deforestation and the enraged march of the Ents that followed that feeling.

It is true that there was some advertisement. We all received the CERN email announcement about that. But, as usual, we just discarded it as junk email or ignored it, thinking that it would be some standard piece of useless information that we don't need.

Then, suddenly, one day you arrive back to work and see that almost all CERN trees have disappeared. This place, that in arcane eras was a legendary piece of old ugly buildings surrounded by old huge trees, it is converted into just the bunch of old and even uglier structures.

Before, our eyes could still afford the pain, as the wonderful trees managed to hide most of the ugly buildings. But now they cannot stop bleeding in pain, after seeing the reality. Yes, CERN is even more ugly now :D

Ok, I exaggerated a little bit, the previous pictures are not actual pictures of CERN :D I leave you here few real pics I did:

PD: my apologies, this was meant to be posted past week but I forgot to click 'post' and my 3 seconds fish memory took care of me forgetting about that forever :D